 One of my favorite things in this life is the sensation of time stopping, just for a moment, becuase it reminds me of the freedom I have to live outside my own mind and thoughts. When time pauses, my worries fade and I am just truly, fully present in the moment. For me, these interruptions most often take the form of daydreams, captivating movies, music, laughing and nature. Nature, for me, is very up and down. Sometimes God allows me to take nature in like a baby opening his eyes for the first time, but other times I am so far in my own thoughts and doings that I bypass nature completely. There's nothing like being out in nature to experience nature. Since being here, I have this growing interest in the complexly simple grandness of nature.
-On a side note-  Here is a picture of the new bridge we built. Designed by Jay and Zack. Delayed by Jeremy. Supervised by John. Created with left over wood from old concrete forms.
So today… what a day, I experienced so many emotions today I am exhausted, spent. Today was a reminder of how human I am and how broken the world is. So let me start from the beginning:I woke up, well rested. I have moved from the house into the dormitory because we have 3 guests here, who were definitely needed today. I put up two giant mosquito nets, found the most comfortable pillow, put on the coolest looking most comfortable sheets the Canadians left here, all right under the fan. It was the first night I slept with bare minimum clothing without a shred of fear of a full on bug flesh feast. I came to breakfast- pancakes Diana made- woofed em down and then got ready for building day. We are building a new bridge over the bo-bo bridge that’s there now. We got about 85% done before lunch (2:30 pm) through a lot of sweat, I mean A LOT of sweat, and sunburn. For lunch we had Bison Burgers from Teds Montana Grill- which was Rawesome! Reina and John and Kelly (I don’t know if I told you but we have vistors!!!) brought them down as a special treat for us. Then we went over to the orphanage, gave them some new shorts they brought as well, and then prepared for our game.Yes, we had a game. What does that mean? Well the local Cabaret boys love to play the “blans” (whites) in soccer. I got some nice shirts by way of ESPN (shout out!)(or sell out…)(or trying to show everyone that im cool)(all the above) while I was in Cali, so now both teams have jerseys. The Haitians showed up about an hour late so our game went into the night. And as the night surfaced, so did all the underlying emotions of the day.We lost the game 5-2. Why did I just write that? Any sane person would say, “Uhhh I literally don’t care what the score was of your random pick up game in Haiti was…” That is the correct response. Yet I took the game way too seriously and was legit mad that we lost. Afterwards I wanted to kick the ball into the river. I got snappy with Zack. I didn’t even shower after cause I was so mad- good one Jeremy, were you thinking that if I was sweaty and stinky everyone would know that I’m mad and have sympathy for me, ohhh boo hoo… I don’t know, but it didn’t take long to see that I am, after years of Jesus Rehab, still a sore loser, which indeed makes me a loser and reveals my need for Jesus more now than ever. Jesus has a way of revealing to me how pathetic and microscopic the things that frustrate me are by showing me scope and relevance. It actually usually takes only a few minutes… In the case of tonight, I’m gunna keep it simple, my poor sportsmanship faded in a millisecond when I realized people in our house, in Haiti, all over the world are dealing with far greater issues. I, we, came down here to love orphans, learn culture and address problems as we encounter them. Sounds heroic huh… I thought that’d consist of community development, providing shelter, food, clothes and education to orphans and just cleaning up Haiti. Things are NEVER as they seem. Even being here for only 5 weeks, everything has flipped upside down. A big difference between Haiti and America, in Haiti corruption and greed are fully present, fully visible while in America corruption and greed are a secretive, behind closed doors poison. I guess that’s because Haitians are so poor and desperate they don’t care what anyone thinks of them while we Americans get the luxury of hiding behind our walls of status and possessions… Tonight I rediscovered the greatest need in Haiti and it all comes back to the Gospel and relationships. Haitians, as well as Americans, are des-per-ate for loving relationships. Everyone in the whole entire scope of human history has been wronged, hurt, beat up, stepped on, abused, mistaken, confused, scared, sad, ect… We each choose to deal with it in ourselves, and those of us that do catch a glimpse of the pain and brokenness in this world. We can see it in our neighbor, our friend, family, co-worker too. What a grim and dark place this world is without hope. I have found all hope to be fleeting… except one. Jesus is literally the only thing I can cling to here in the darkness of Haiti. Jesus and His justice. His mercy. His peace. His grace. His hope.Haiti is revealing. We as a human race all have different symptoms of the same disease.There is a cure and He is good.
So about the false post… Elliott Cherry broke into my account and thought itd be funny to post that cause I havent been able to blog things for awhile… real funny e, now half the world is pissed….
That leads me to my time in Cali- lotta ups and some downs. Here’s a few blurbs of my time there:
I got to see many friends and make many new friends aka Tony Hale, Johnny Hugs, Callie Ham and her roomies (kinda upset about that free Moby concert), Roadtrip Nationers, Wagners Wedding Party (emphases on PARTY), Espn Risers, like Team USA softball, someone who had made out with Natalie Portman (he’s from East Hampton)… I have tried and tried but I just can’t get that dagger out of my heart…
I chilled in the LBC, spent a week with the Wagner’s and not just any week, their first week of marriage- ah lovely- Venice, La Jolla, Hermosa, laughed a lot, was very close to calling to 911 (ask me of you wanna know), got thousands of dollars of sweet merchandise for Haitians for free and drink liquid with ice on a sofa in air conditioning!!!
But I’m back and it’s nice to be here, I can hear the choir singing in the background, its hot but I like it… On Monday, I will start as the P.E. teacher in the school on our campus (its not called a compound anymore, too prisony). 300 kids, many many miscommunications and misunderstands to come. I want to build a playground with pull up bars and parallel bars and labyrinths (it’s a dream okay?!) and other fun things to play on in front of the orphanage. The team in December, God willing, will build a basketball slash soccer hybrid court. People are coming this week about a bread factory. In January, we start to rebuild the bridge the flood took away so cars/trucks can drive can drive into our compound. All the while, we got orphans to love on, Creole to learn and that God to seek.
And I saw this yesterday…
Glad to be back...
I drove a car here recently. It started out exactly as any driving experience I've ever had. I hopped into the front seat, check to make sure Jay, Kedesh and Alexander are wearing seat belts, buckle up myself, release the parking break, endure the vintage "Oh Gawd, you're not driving are you?!", put the key in the ignition, turn clockwise, right foot on brake, right hand pulls downward to R and then place right foot on the gas pedal. Pretty standard stuff.
Then in an instant, I felt like I was in a video game. I drove down our rocky road on a narrow path with steep eroded edges plummeting down to the riverbank below, dodging goats, donkeys, people, and a horse with zebra stripes that resides on our street. I pull in to the craziness that is the main road. The only Law of the Road: bigger vehicles have the right away. With tap taps everywhere, people walking in and out of traffic, I drove through the Caberat Market, squeezing through with inches to spare, finally arriving to the local Texaco to get gas for the generator.
All filled up, we drove back and I pass our side road. I need more of this madness. Kadesh and Alexander tell me they want to go see a lady "friend". I obliged- ducking, passing and honking through the insanity. After a mild search we arrive at her house, about 15 minutes away, in what looked to be Haitian government housing. Her parents invite us in, give us Sprite in ice, the dad flaunts his fireman certificate from the U.N. and the boys flirt with the daughter under the watchful eye of the mom. After we finish the drinks, we thank them for their hospitality and head back home through the parade of colors and people on the street. We arrived home with 50 gallons of gas and an unquenchable thirst to drive more…
Also, I am heading to California tomorrow for Kyle Wagner's wedding bonanza and I will be there for a week, so feel free to call a brother...
My mood has been shaky over the past several days due to the understanding that my honeymoon phase with Haiti is O-V-E-R. Real life has begun and I have noticed an odd thing I do. I feel like I spend a lot of time either reminiscing about the past or dreaming about the future. I do NOT think this is a bad thing at all but too much can inhibit present life. It is easy for me when things become "mundane" and "boring" to put more attention and focus on the past but moreso on the future. I'd like to share a written journal entry of mine from a few days back:
"Hunger is a bizarre thing. It leads to delirium, which is a non-stop unfed ticket to loony town with a local loony band playing the local looney tunes... I feel like a pregnant woman yearning for food. A Publix sub with Boarshead meat, grilled lemon zest shrimp, my grandmama's macaroni and cheese, all capped of with a giant glass of ice-cold blue-capped milk! Right now its hard being here. I'm hungry. I'm bored. I feel like a Haitian. Except, Haitians are never bored, they continually move about occupying themselves with mindless work, which I have come to find is better than a workless mind.
Pascal said, "Man's greatest misery is to be alone with his thoughts" yet here I am alone with my thoughts. I am thinking about movies that will be coming out soon that I want to see, when Daft Punk is coming back to tour in America and salivating over would be food... To do was a tough day on the mission field...
Th-t-t-th-th-That's All Folks..."
I write that to show I am not living in a fantasy utopia world here. Flying high- having every single thing you could ever want to crash landing- having the basic necessities to survive is not easy. It has been a fascinating and revealing time here thus far. I am learning so much about myself out here in the wilderness. I am not as tough as I once thought I was. I have trouble being content. Just when I feel myself begin to drift, feeling like maybe this all might be too much- God sends a fresh restorative breath.
My breath came in the form of a jumbo sized mentos freshness named Charles. He came back from Canada Saturday. He and his family are moving back into our (his) house. We talked Saturday night and shared ideas and laughter. He prayed for us and I just felt a calming sensation come over me. Like the Spirit reminding me that this journey I have been lead on is bigger than me. When I feel bored or unsatisfied, that is a great indication I am making this, my life, about me.
Life, in the grandest sense, is a paradox. To live an extraordinary life of tall tales, profound adventures and tested friendships- I have to give it away. My life cannot be my own. When I make it about me, I'm bored and waiting for the next vacation that will again ultimately never satisfy. But when I let go, live and love in the grace and freedom of Christ, life becomes far less complicated and far more fulfilling. Like a big ol' joy filled donut. Now that's something I can eat here everyday.
 The Entrance  Orphan Gangstas/Green Shirt day  The boys bringing us their laundry  Our Ophanage
 A classroom in the School next to the Orphanage  Bug Bites
It continues to be frustrating sitting in a room full of Haitians and not being able to communicate. I realize it hasn't even been two weeks living here but still everyone in the room is laughing and I WANNA LAUGH TOO... Don't get me wrong, seeing Haitians laugh makes me laugh but I feel like a poser- I want more substance to it... I guess I just wanna know what is so funny. Haitians are always laughing, I'm not sure if it's at us or with us but there is an epidemic of the giggles in Haiti. At least in the Haitians I know.
The orphans are way more comfortable now. They all smile and are stoked to see us everyday. I strongly believe more and more that love really is a universal language. These kids here just want attention and to be loved. Their needs are sooo basic and clear. Yet at the same time, it's very revealing to me as well cause I think at the core of my soul I want the same thing. If I am honest, it is blatantly apparent that everything I do stems from my desire to be known and loved. It is still hard for me to believe that God really knows me from the inside out, from my pathetic attempts to impress Him to the deplorable acts of my flesh, YET still loves me as much as He loves Jesus. Ummm I'm sorry but my mind was just blown and if you know me well enough it'll blow your mind too.
So I play with orphans, doing nonsense really, making up games, astonishing them with my superior strength abilities and the such, hoping they can catch even a tiny glimpse that they are important, that they are known, that they are loved. Honestly, my hope is that everyone I know and will know in the future might be able to realize that. With the risk of sounding noble, I desire to provide a small window, even if for an instant, for people to know God's love of His Creation. Why? To me it is almost a selfish desire because I know it to be the best way to experience God's love here on planet Earth. Witnessing the transformational love of God taking root and completely, from top to bottom, revolutionize someone's life to me is like witnessing God Himself. Love begets love, which strengthens my faith, allowing more Gospel power to spring forth from me.
My stomach has communicated with me rather clearly in the past couple of days that it is officially begun its transition/adjustment to food here in Haiti. We buy and make our own food, and by we I mean Diana and Zack. But you know Jay and I are good for getting our scrub on after meals. In recent days, a meal for me consists of something like rice, beans, bread, peanut butter, honey, jelly and stew. Throw in a mystery fruit and/or veggie and you got yourself a feast. All this seems pretty standard except I continue to go back to my favorite desert- a scoop of Tums. Hopefully it's just a phase, like getting peed on by the orphans...
We turn on our generator usually from 6pm to midnight, which provides our house with electricity for powering the refrigerator and every fan I can find. We have a gas-powered oven, which is used to make mostly bread. Let's talk about bread: Zack makes some delicious bread. I have spent some time crunching a few numbers and calculated it is at least 17 times better tasting than the Haitian bread found in the grocery stores here. It's healthy too! I think when Charles returns from Canada we are going to ask him about setting up a bread "factory" in our compound to give cheap healthy delicious bread and jobs to the village. I will update you more on that later...
Here is how you can be interactive on the cyberweb and help me out:
1. Tell me what else you want to know more about. More posts? More Pics? More cyber Jams? (feel free to offer songs you think I might like...)
2. Speaking of which, send me things you think I might enjoy reading, looking at, being cyber encouraged by...
3. Lastly, please let me know what is going on in your life...
As for me, a new week lies ahead full of challanges and opportunies. Even so, as I take steps out of my familiar boat of safety and into the seas of a troubled and needy world, I can hear the words of our Master beckoning me, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid' (matt 14:27) - thanks Gary Haugen...
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