1) Austin leaves and things begin to crumble. Some of the orphans have sicknesses that do not have normal common cold symptoms so we are a little worried about that. Especially since none of us knows exactly how to treat or medicate people and doctors are extremely limited, we are trying to diagnose symptoms and email them to our doctor friends. On top of that Diana has something wrong with her foot (plantar fasciitis or something), Zack is feeling pretty lousy, and I blacked out on Monday walking down the hallway and another time my hands randomly went numb (hopefully not record breath hold side effects). So please be praying for health recoveries all around…

2) I started learning the guitar 3 days ago. I have always wanted to create music but hated the prospect of sucking at it a long time before being good. After having Kyle reignite that desire a few days back and being isolated in Haiti where no can hear how terrible I am, lessons have officially begun. My fingers hurt yet this has not deterred me from beginning work on my first track from my EP entitled “Live from Cabaret”…

3) I have noticed a reoccurring trend in my life recently. Every time I align and perfect all my doings and priorities and get settled into this nice lil’ comfortable Jeremy nest- it gets knocked over. Depending on how long I have been building my nest, sometimes it gets tipped over with a little shove and other times it just utterly wiped out by a cyclone riding a tidal wave (imagine that for a second...). And I never get a heads up either, just out of nowhere, SMASH, my comfy nest empire collapses.

That’s a lot of metaphors but what does that actually mean. I just can’t seem to get comfortable in life and I am beginning to realize that God wouldn’t have it any other way. The phrase “it’s always something…” is beginning to take on a whole new meaning. I LOVE to just shut down my heart, set my life on cruise control, and just roll not thinking about anything. It is my biggest vice and it is the most selfish thing about me. 

  • I don’t really wanna take time to care about people, that’s too hard and time consuming. 
  • I would never want to truly open my heart and feel something because that would involve hurt, pain, anguish and sorrow. 
  • I can’t imagine fully seeking and following God because then I have no control AND trust me, I like having control. 
Still, God sees my attempts to build a shelter of love and concern for myself only and no matter how big and strong they are- He crushes them, always. 

That’s why I know God loves me. 

He continues to crush my isolation efforts, my manipulating emotion efforts, and numbing efforts. I am soooo thankful for the interruptions I cannot handle: the hard relationships, the toughdecisions, and the dramatic and drastic experiences of life. It takes me out of my hypnotic comfort zone and reveals my distorted view of myself and this world. I literally have to cling to Jesus because everything else, mainly me, has failed. 

So, here I am with another interruption in my life looking me straight in the face. At first, I just wanted to shut down and ignore it. Yet God is once again coming to my rescue and knocking down my comfort. It hurts but in seeing God’s intentions, I will embrace the uncomfortable and rejoice in the fact the God of all things is relentlessly pursuing me.

wink Cherry
11/05/2009 05:19

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wink Cherry
11/05/2009 05:27

yo jeremy-dog, those are some very profound words from a very transparent honest heart. continue to embrace ur neediness and bathe in HIS on-going rescue.that's one of the many things HE does for/to HIS needy sheep. thanks for sharing ur brokeness w/ the flock. blessings, wink

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jacks
11/05/2009 06:44

thanks for those words jer and your honesty... can def relate. for reals. praying for ya

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11/05/2009 13:11

I'll definitely be prayin for you guys!! Keep us updated!

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k
11/06/2009 17:22

o boy o man! you buoyant man. thanks for the honesty my brett.

is there a blog on this site or something?

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ginny
11/09/2009 06:13

it's always something! I will pray for all of you to get better. No more holding your breath! Mom's orders. You have such a great heart for our God and it surely shows through you. Love to all.

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